The Beautiful Road

            Knowing how to interpret poetry in a literal way is one thing, but to analyze it and reveal its metaphor is a completely different thing, and takes much more time to solve. The Hard Road by Li Bai, is a great poem and I am glad I chose to experience this art for myself. It's not too long, not too short, and in my opinion couldn't have been written any better. Its structure, word choice, and description is perfect, and with that is complexity. The poem itself is fairly easy to read, at least for me, but I did not understand at least half of what Bai was trying to convey through his writing the first time around. It's easy in form, yet, complex in nature, meaning, and metaphor. I will say when I first read the poem, I only thought about his words in the perspective of literalness. Through much time, research, and analysis I discovered what he was really trying to say. The poem is written in such a way that it can easily be interpreted as a literal story, a literal suffering−a literal journey. But everything Bai says, and how he says it, shows that he was trying to create metaphor to his reality. This poem, as are most others by him, is literally about him. In his lifetime he had periods of wandering, where he would travel in China by foot or by boat, letting his feet take him wherever they please. Every day, it is said he wrote a poem about his travels, about nature, or himself. The Hard Road is about all three, but especially of his own suffering and wonderment. So one could argue that he literally just wrote down, in poetic form, what he felt at the end of a day, and what he literally wanted to do at that time. His dream would be to "sail for the sun" as he says, to wander through nature with no ending, and find enlightenment in a sense. Even a Taoist like him, no one would want to travel endlessly until death at sea or in the mountains. One may be in their 'heaven', but they would fall to death, without understanding themselves. Life without death is one thing, but death without life is worse, because one would only ever experience the darkness. That endless darkness is found when only discovering the world. One must discover the Self and nature in order to find light in life, to one day reach an enlightenment, if that's what they believe. In the end, everyone wants to live their life to the fullest, and it must be accomplished to reach an enlightenment at death. This is what Bai tries to get across, what his poem means as a whole. One must find Self and the world, never give up or waste life and keep going, and experience what they want and need to experience for fulfillment. This is what I analyzed in The Hard Road after reading it many more times, and seeing the metaphorical and meaningful side to the poem. This is only a summary of his entire message, as I found much more to the poem with many different elements and in many different ways.

            The first time I read the poem, the first four lines out of anything else, confused me. As I've said, I took everything literally and later tried to find the metaphor. I thought the first four lines were setting the scene of the poem, and shouldn't be analyzed at all because everything else in the poem seemed so much more important. In fact, now I believe the fourth line sets the mood and the basis of why Bai wrote the poem. "I fling aside my chop-sticks and cup, I cannot eat nor drink..." (Bai 4). The first few lines I still think set the scene in a literal way. Bai worked for one of the Emperors of China for a few years, in which Bai could not wander or be with nature. Instead he was surrounded by riches, which I feel the first three lines of the poem describe the Emperor's place of dining, since he describes gold cups and jade plates, both very luxurious. In reality, he wandered when he wanted when not employed, which pleased him, but if working for the Emperor in the poem is true, he cannot leave to wander anymore. This probably would make him frustrated and feel isolated over time, which leads to my analysis of the fourth line. When he throws his chopsticks, it is clear he is stressed to the limit to do that. Then he says he cannot eat nor drink anymore. Eating and drinking are basic necessities of life, and are simple pleasures in life as well. For him to say he cannot eat or drink anymore shows not only his stress and possibly anger, but depression. This I did not realize until later on. Bai was a heavy wine drinker, and the scene describes him drinking expensive wine. For him to not be able to drink anymore really shows his depression, since alcohol is 'the most pleasurable drink' one could have, especially for an alcoholic like him. Then the next line is also complex. "I pull out my dagger, I peer four ways in vain." (Bai 5). At first, this was the line I had the most questions about, even though it is one with less meaning than others. After interviewing my dad, I narrowed it down to a meaning that makes sense, and now is more obvious than ever to me. He pulls out the dagger in vain as a sign of so much stress and depression, he is willing to hurt himself. Another interpretation, which I thought more and more as I analyzed it, is that he is having a thought of suicide. He feels so isolated and out of place from the world he lives and breathes that he either needs attention from others, or he needs to end his suffering by dying. Either way, this line is the entrance to his abyss in the poem. Whether it is to hurt himself or kill himself, this line is his darkest hour. After this, he starts to prove to himself why he is so sad, and then he finds why life is worth living for, even in extreme suffering.

            The next few lines are perfectly worded to show his meaning, in which they could be literal, but if analyzed, were probably to convey metaphor. "I would cross the Yellow River, but ice chokes the ferry;/ I would climb the Tai-hang Mountains,/ But the sky is blind with snow..." (Bai 6-8). As I first read this, I was still in the realm of literalness, and thought that these were only to explain the places that he could be journeying to, but can't because of nature's obstacles. Then I noticed his word choice, how the ice "chokes" the ferry and how the sky is "blind". These words are usually used for human suffering, and not to describe what nature is doing to other things. I realized that this too has a metaphorical meaning to it. Previously he is describing what he does because of his suffering, and now he is describing his suffering, through his mind and soul. He uses these examples from nature and reality as things to metaphorically describe his own suffering, and how he "chokes" and how he is now "blind" from his own suffering. I realized that lines like these could be literal, but how they're written shows that Bai was clearly writing metaphor. He then goes on to a turning point, a realization for him, in life's worthiness and beauty. He talks about how he could be a lazy fisherman who only fishes every day, only experiencing one part of life, one beauty. But in his heart, he is a wanderer, whose journey is to wander through the world. My favorite line of the poem: "But I suddenly dream of riding a boat, sailing for the sun..." (Bai 10). If the poem were laid out as a book, the moment after this line is his rebirth, and the his exit from the abyss. He may have actually had a dream of sailing for the sun, but the metaphor in the line is so much more simple, yet extraordinary, than a dream. The beauty of dreams is that they are metaphors themselves, but still occur in subconscious. The line describes a thought of hope, of passion. He loves journeying more than anything, and he just wants to be in nature again, and be one with the world. The boat represents his body, what he can do, and what he will do to reach happiness again. The sailing of that boat is the act of wandering, experiencing the world, and the act of dreaming. His journey in life, or his Path that he must take, is journeying itself, which has no ending, only more discoveries of the world and Self. The sun referred in the line represents happiness, balance, oneness with nature, and at end, enlightenment. I really like this line, because it is a new beginning in the poem, a start to optimism for Bai. That's why the rest of the poem is my favorite part, and why I think it has the most meaning as well.

            The last part of the poem is the start of a new life, from his rebirth. He recognizes that "journeying is hard", but he now understands it is something to live for. He asks which path he should take, in which he is metaphorically referring the Paths of his life journey, not a specific journey. The idea of journeying is to travel into the unknown and discover and suffer through things for oneself, finding bliss. The paths he refers to do not have a set path literally, but one to be wandered and explored. I think how Bai structures the repetition of "journeying is hard" is tastefully used, because it is the most straightforward line to be repeated, in which shows Bai's point. Journeying is hard, and it's a fact of life, but is hard to accept and comprehend at the same time. This is why he repeats these lines, because he had been pondering if life is worth the journey through his depression. But he then figures out that it is, and gains back his selfhood and knowledge of what life really is. The last two lines are definitely my other two favorite lines, because they are his optimism, his hope, and his desire for life. Again with the word choice he uses, it shows that he is bringing forth a metaphorical message rather than literal. Basically the whole poem can be interpreted literally, but sometimes scenes wouldn't flow well with the poem, and the poem would merely be another story, but with little words. Through symbolism and metaphor, or allegory, capturing multiple meanings and interpretations of the poem, the poem is beautiful and wonderfully meaningful. "I will mount a long wind some day and break the heavy waves/ And set my cloudy sail straight and bridge the deep, deep sea" (Bai 15-16). First reading this, it seems like there should be a whole lot of meaning to go with this ending, but it's hard to understand it. Through interviewing my dad and my own analysis, I not only noticed the rebirth element, but the water imagery. Once I noticed the amount of water in the ending, I realized how much water imagery there is throughout the entire poem, and its importance. The water, its flow, intensity, and kind, is a metaphor to everything Bai describes in the poem. The wine in the beginning is a 'drugged' water, in which his mind is blurry and in sadness.  The ice and the snow in the poem are both forms of frozen water, cold and unfriendly for his journey, and how they choke and blind the ferry and the sky. Then the brook described where the fisherman is, is the calmest flow of water possible, or the most 'lazy', analogous to the fisherman. Also riding and boat and sailing describe water as the thing which gives life to his journey, to being able to ride a boat and sail for the sun through his Path, Self, and the world. Lastly, these lines describe breaking the "heavy waves" and sailing the "deep, deep sea". The water imagery described here is ominous and dark, something hard to overcome−something worth taking the journey! Sailing itself is overcoming the sea, traveling amongst the unknown below and his word choice of "breaking" tells of his triumph over the sea. The sea I have analyzed represents the journey itself and the Path he must take. The heavy waves are the obstacles he must face, the boat is his Self and his body, and the act of 'bridging' the sea is analogous to wandering and journeying, and taking his life journey to someday reach the sun, which again is his enlightenment. Of the entire poem, these lines are his resolution, and the start of his new, reborn life. The ending of the poem left me hanging, as I bet it did to everyone else who has read this poem. I will assume the best for him, and if he ever did "reach the sun" and "bridge the sea" after this, that is a story I must tell for myself, and one a reader must finish for themselves. Whether it all was close to happening in reality, or if indeed it was all metaphor to his own life journey, at the time or forever on, the poem is a great representation of the abyss, rebirth, and the journey.

            I have come to not only appreciate this poem, but to love it. I've never really enjoyed poetry, because it is hard to understand a lot of the time for something so short, and when it is hard to comprehend, it is not exciting. The fact that I could chose a world poem that I liked form the start is great, because it already helped me enjoy the poem to a certain extent. After much research and analysis on Li Bai as a poet and person, and The Hard Road for weeks, it made me think much more of the poem and poetry in general. I will say I do enjoy poetry now, not more than fantasy-fiction, but enough to admit I like it. But this poem is very meaningful to me, and I honestly have never analyzed a poem like this one to where I believe the scenery, metaphor, and words of the poem are beautiful. It's no wonder to me that Li Bai is considered the greatest poet to ever have lived in China. What I wonder is why this particular poem is not one of his more famous ones. I have not read his most famous ones, and maybe if I were to analyze those and appreciate them as much as I have this one, then maybe I'd believe those poems are even more beautiful than this. With my own present knowledge, this poem is awesome, and I have enjoyed analyzing the poem on my own. The Hard Road is now my favorite poem, and is going to be hard to ever like a poem more than this one in my high school career.

The Interview Into Understanding

            On a Sunday evening, where it's warm, breezy and calm outside, I sit across from my dad at the kitchen table. Getting ready for the interview, while my dad reads the poem, and I finalize my questions, I feel the breeze through the kitchen window, listen to the birds sing, and watch the sun slowly depart from sight, reaching the horizon. I look at my dad sitting at the kitchen table with my questions in hand and my iPhone in the other for recording. The lighting is a clear, cream white from the lights above our heads. A distant yellow emits from the lowering sun, and the room around us gives a slight brownish red glow from the sunlight on the cherry wood of the kitchen. The air of the room is pleasant, not too hot nor cold to bring attention, but a nice comfortable temperature, with no particular smells. My mom goes upstairs so my dad and I can have a private and quiet interview, just the two of us. We are both wearing short sleeved shirts and shorts, with no shoes on. We have the poems in front of us on our computers, to read and analyze as we go. My dog walks around to greet us, lying on the floor shortly afterwards, and sometimes he prances to his water bowl for a drink. Everything about the setting is casual, peaceful, and relatively quiet, besides the shaking of the leaves from the breeze, the singing of birds off and on, my dog moving and drinking, and the sound of me and my dad's voices. There is no reason to have asked for a better setting for the interview, nor could there have been. I am somewhat tired from over-sleeping and staying up late during the weekend, but am also awake enough to comprehend the analysis that will be discussed during our interview. I ask my dad when he'll be ready, in which he says, "Now". I take a drink of water, look outside one last time, and click 'record' on my iPhone−and so the interview starts.

            I start with the general questions, one to get his feedback and potentially some analysis without mine as well. I ask my dad, who had never read the poem before, first and simply, "What was your reaction to the poem?" He quickly says, "It reminds me of Robert Frost's poem The Road Not Taken, where he talks about the idea of the fork in the road, and the journey of life and the paths you choose to take. I have read a lot of poems with similar themes!" Already I have learned a reference to the poem, in which delights me to keep the interview process going. He says he likes the poem, and that he thinks it is very good. He finds a few elements of the poem "mystifying" in his words, but understands many of the same elements that I myself analyzed. The part of the poem that stood out most to him were the lines: "But I suddenly dream of riding a boat, sailing for the sun.../ Journeying is hard,/ Journeying is hard" (Bai 10-12). Not only are they his favorite lines of the poem, but he thinks they are a big part to ending the frustration he is in throughout most of the poem, until the end. When I ask him what confused him throughout the poem, he said the one part that was confusing was the mention of a dagger. He also says the first four lines are awkward compared to the rest of the poem, but he realizes after reading it through again that they are just setting the scene. He notes that it may be setting the scene of where Li Bai is during the poem literally, or that the lines are to mention the things in life one needs and finds pleasure from, such as money (in this case riches), food, and drink. After hearing this and about to move on to my questions, I tell him about Bai's life. How he's a Taoist, his love for wine and wandering−which he finds passion in both− and important things and events in his life that inspired him to write the poetry that he did. I then proceed into my analytic questions, in which takes up most of the interview.

            I begin by asking, "Do you notice his suffering in the beginning, and how do you notice this?" My dad hesitates, knowing the answer but trying to find a specific example. He then replies "Yes, and it shows in the line 'I fling aside my chop-sticks and cup, I cannot eat nor drink...', because now the simple pleasures of life give him no happiness" I agree with him, and would have said that if he had not thought of it as well. I know that most of the interview will not be debate, but rather discussion with much agreement. But then he adds the line with the dagger, and that's when we are both curious. It's clear it's something of suffering, but not what it means. I ask, "Do you think it is a thought of suicide from his suffering, or do you think it is to attract attention by showing off his swordsmanship?" Again my dad hesitates to answer, because now he sees it in a different way from my question. I tell my dad that I thought he could be showing off his swordsmanship because in other translations of the poem, it is a sword rather than a dagger, and Bai was a great swordsman. He tells me that the symbol of a sword and dagger is completely different, a sword being used in an honorable fight, and a dagger for suicide or murder. I tell him that I agree, but the word 'vain' used to describe how the character looks in each direction, has two definitions: either being egotistical or of uselessness/hopelessness. He tells me in context it definitely means he's in frustration or is hopeless, in which now I only see the line in one way. My dad originally doesn't think of the line as a thought of suicide, but just a symbol to regard his depression, but when I ask him if it could be related to suicide, he agrees. Now we both only see it in one way. Whether it's a direct thought of giving up on life, or just showing his depression, the expressed sadness is unmistakable in the line. Then we move on to a few other questions, where we both are in total agreement, not confused or questioning any element or line that we're analyzing. "Do you think his inability to journey to the Yellow River and Tai-hang Mountains is literal, metaphorical, or both?" He says, "Both." I ask him if he thought Bai used the words of suffering 'chokes' and 'blind' when describing nature's obstacles because it is the direct metaphor to the "choking and blinding" of himself and his heart, in which he says yes and totally agrees. So we move on to the lines "I would sit and poise a fishing-pole, lazy by a brook −/But I suddenly dream of riding a boat, sailing for the sun..." (Bai 9-10). Again we come back to our favorite line, the image of sailing for the sun, but it is also important to contrasting the fishing scene. We talk about what this means for a few minutes, and we agree that it could be, again, literal and metaphorical, but the purpose of the writing is to be metaphorical. Bai is saying that he could live the relaxing life, and be lazy, living a lifestyle he knows is good, thus the lazy fisherman sitting by a brook. But he is not that kind of person, he cannot sit still, only experiencing one part of the world, he has to wander and try to experience as much of life as he can endure, and take his journey. His dream could say that he wants to sail at sea, following the sun at day, to be lost at sea, taking a literal journey of wandering. But what he is trying to get across is he has to take his life journey, by possibly journeying, and experiencing it all. My dad states, "He does not want to live the easy life and take the 'Easy Road' but he wants to take the 'Hard Road' instead, hence the name of the poem." I had not thought of this before surprisingly, until he said this, which I then understood the title's simplicity and meaning.

            The line that mentions the 'fork in the road' or the multiple paths to follow in one's journey is: "There are many turnings −" (Bai 13). My dad and I talk about this and its importance, but we both agree that it is Bai stating the many paths one can follow in the journey of life. Whether it's the path of no suffering, only suffering, or a balance between both, the right path he must take is the one of balance. We also agree that after he questions which path to follow, or which 'turning', that he becomes optimistic and sees the beautiful mystery of life waiting for him, and that he must choose how to find it. I then ask him about the meaning of the last two lines. Knowing Bai's Taoist background, finding peace with nature and being with the world, I ask my dad if he thinks the last two lines show his aspirations of being with nature again, wandering, and facing the challenges life has to throw at him, in which my dad agrees once again. He says it all ties in with him saying that "Journeying is hard" but he would rather face the world and truly see it rather than only live a part of what the world has to offer. We also both say that after he realizes the life waiting for him in the world is worth the journey basically, that he comes out of his abyss during the rest of the poem before the end. Still debating if he was thinking of suicide or just in a vain depression, he clearly is in his abyss during the poem, not finding pleasure in anything, only thinking of what is preventing him to do the things he wants, and questioning life indirectly. But becoming optimistic and full of hope and desire again shows that he was in an abyss during most of the poem, and he comes out of it at the end. After we talk about the abyss, we refer back to the circle of Sansara in Siddhartha, where one's life has many rebirths, multiple lives and deaths in one cycle until enlightenment. My dad says with confidence that this poem tells about him being reborn. I agreed, understanding it in a new way that I hadn't thought about so much as then. Then I mention the line "And set my cloudy sail straight..." (Bai 16). I ask if the word choice of 'cloudy' refers to the expression of the 'clouded mind', and Bai has to set his sail, or what would be his mind, heart and soul, straight again. My dad couldn't have agreed more, and says the scene Bai writes could be a literal future for Bai, but the word choices of a "cloudy sail" or "mount a long wind" suggest the metaphor more so than a literal possibility. Finally, I ask, "Do you think the last phrase 'and bridge the deep, deep sea' represents overcoming and facing all of life such as: the world, nature, society, Self, etc?" From this, my dad gives me a ten minute explanation, agreeing with me, but also elaborating to such a point where I can't even begin to quote something he said that would cover everything he covered. He tells me about all the water imagery in the poem, from the drinking of wine, to the ice covered river, to the snow, to the brook, riding a boat, and the heavy waves and the "deep, deep sea". This out of everything he analyzed with me stood out to me the most, because this was the one thing I had not thought about. I was always paying attention to Bai's journey, his feelings, settings, metaphor, and every other element of the poem, but I never took into consideration the amount of water imagery in the poem, and its importance. In a way, with everything water symbolizes, it is the underlying theme of the poem. My dad notices that the water represents the intensity of each scene that it's used in. Wine, being of water, is like a 'drugged water' and is water that needs to have alcohol for Bai to enjoy, yet he doesn't even enjoy that at the time. The water is in a way poisoned, as is his heart. Then the choking ice and the blinding snow are violent forms of water, preventing his journey and affecting nature. Then the brook, the calmest, most peaceful form of water, is represented in the scene where he describes a lazy fisherman, at peace. Then sailing the waves at sea is a rough water to be on, but is still full of life, and this represents balance, and the path he must take. At the end of the interview, he then told me another interpretation of his on the poem. He considered my thoughts on Bai thinking of suicide, and he saw the poem in a darker way. He told me sailing for the sun could also be a depiction of his boat 'sailing' to heaven, to the sun in the sky. Also, that Bai saying "Journeying is hard" could be him stating that he finally gets how hard it is, and that dying would be an option of less suffering. He goes on with other analysis on his other way of looking at it, but thanks to my dad, I now have two ways of seeing the poem, both very deep. This was the biggest reason why I was glad interviewing my dad, because I feel like I learned more from him than he did from me. What I learned from him about the poem helps me better understand the poem in its entirety. I now have much more knowledge on the poem, symbolically and allegorically, and have much more to further analyze and awe, as I will read The Hard Road many more times.

Poetry Final: Research

            Li Bai is considered one of the most influential and best poets in the history of China. He was born during the heart of the "Golden Age" of China, during the Tang Dynasty, which lasted from 618-907 AD. Li Bai was born in 701 in Suiye, Tang Empire, China (which today is Suyab, Kyrgyzstan) and he died in 762 in or around Dangtu, China. Du Fu, another one of China's great poets during the Tang Dynasty, was one of Li's cherished friends, yet his rival for the title of the greatest poet in all of China during that time. Li Bai was inspired by many things throughout his life to create the poems he did, but half or more of his hundreds of poems were based off of wine. Some of his most studied, beloved, and famous poems are from the Three Hundred Tang Poems. Of those 34 masterpieces, are his most famous "Waking from Drunkenness on a Spring Day", "The Hard Road to Shu", and "Quiet Night Thought", in which all of these are read and studied in the language arts textbooks throughout China today. When Li's mother was pregnant with him, she had a dream. She dreamed of a great white star falling from the heavens, bringing the idea of Li Bai being a banished immortal before birth, leaving immortality and coming to mortal Earth. This referred to the Great White Star, or Venus, which explains his courtesy name Tai Bai or “Great White”. Li was the family surname, and he was the Great White Star, thus creating his name: Li Bai. Before birth, he was considered something of greatness, out of this world. When he was born, he lived in Suiye, which is on the ancient Silk Road, in which his family were likely merchants. He moved with his family to Jiangyou, which is near modern Chengdu, when he was around five years old. Here, he spent much of his childhood reading immensely, including Confucian classics such as The Classic of Poetry (Shijing) and the Classic of History (Shujing), as well as many astrological and metaphysical literary materials. From this young age and until his twenties he also became very good in the martial arts, and an unbelievable swordsman. He has claimed to have killed several men for reasons of chivalry in accordance with the Youxia, or knight-errant tradition in China. During his mid-twenties, around 725, he set sail on the Yangzi River, and began the life of a wanderer. On a journey back up the river arriving at Yunmeng, he met the granddaughter of Xu Yushi, a Prime Minister of China, in who he married. He gave away much of his inherited wealth to the needy, and met famous people, becoming famous himself from his doings. Now well known, he still continued to travel and wander, when he met and joined a group of poets who also enjoyed writing about journeying and most importantly, drinking wine, which Li loved to do. This group was famous for writing of wine in the midst of life, and they were called "The Eight Immortals of the Wine Cup", including his friend Du Fu. Li Bai was considered a genius, and met the Emperor, becoming his friend and adviser. When the Emperor was removed from power, Li Bai tried to seize power around 730, but failed to do so and was sentenced to death. A general he also befriended bailed him out of the sentence, and Li was only exiled. After years of complications with courts, he wanders even more eventually making friends with a famous Taoist priest named Wu Yun. In 742, in the court of Chang'an, Wu Yun and Emperor Xuanzong eradicate his exile saying he's an "Immortal exiled from heaven" and should be praised for his genius and presence. He became a translator for the Emperor, and who got a post at the Hanlin Academy, where he served to provide scholarly expertise and create poetry for the Emperor. Some of his first famous poems he made for the Emperor and his wife, royalty, etc. Some of the royal court was offended by Li's drinking, so the Emperor kindly sent him from the royal court with riches. From here, Li Bai became a Taoist in Shandong, where he made a home. He wandered to and from his home through nature and rivers for the next ten years, writing poems of all his encounters and thoughts. He meets one last time with Du Fu in 744, to write poems of each other. In 756, war and exile occur and the Emperor and his forces flee, including his people. Li Bai escapes the madness, but much later is captured and imprisoned, once again sentenced to death. The famous general, Guo Ziyi, who had sentenced Li to death years back, now releases him. Imperialism and much political unrest take place for the next ten years, but Li avoids it all and returns to wandering once more. Going through two emperors in a dynasty, a new emperor, Daizong, makes Li one of office in 762. But when Li Bai comes back to Dangtu for the position and return from more years of wandering, he dies. Legend has it that Li Bai drowned after falling off his boat when he tried to embrace the moon's reflection on the Yangtze River while drunk off wine. It is unknown how he died, but it was thought that he died from his hard living style of ongoing traveling and heavy drinking. His legendary death, of drowning for the moon's reflection, goes down in history as one of the most famous deaths ever told, and is a part of Chinese culture today.

            What is believed to be the thousands of poems that Li Bai wrote in his lifetime, there were only hundreds found and recorded, and a great percentage of them involve the act of drinking, enjoying, and celebrating wine. Other themes involved in many of his poems are celebrating the pleasures of friendship and love, the depth of nature and its beauty, views of political corruption, loneliness and/or solitude, and the aspirations of wandering; the journey. In The Hard Road (1 of 3) by Li Bai, he includes three main themes: Discontent, struggles in life, and striving for the journey. In many poems he desires wine, the thing that intoxicates him to his creativity for most of his poetry. Instead, in this particular poem, he does not celebrate drinking wine, but only references it to set the scene−to show his discontent. It seems as though Li is describing a very nice party, where wine and food cost a fortune and dinnerware is made of gold and jade. In reality, since all of his poems are based on the events of his past on some level, he must be attending the party of the royal court when he wrote poems for the Emperor and worked in his palace. The line, "I fling aside my chop-sticks and cup, I cannot eat nor drink..." shows his discontent, because eating and drinking are simple pleasures of life, and drinking is one of his greatest passions in life. The next four lines explain why he cannot eat or drink through one of his other passions, which is journeying. When he pulls out his dagger, and looks in every direction, it seems as though he's had enough and might potentially commit suicide, to be rid of this pain in which he cannot eat or drink. But, he was only trying to show his pain of heart, of what seems like the impossible in his life at that time. He explains things of travel, such as he would cross the Yellow River, "but the ice chokes the ferry". He would climb the Tai-hang Mountains, "But the sky is blind with snow..." This can be interpreted in two ways, either leading to the same point. He might have literally witnessed these natural destinations in snow and ice in the midst of winter, so nature was disallowing him to journey, causing him to feel sorrow. The more probable interpretation though would be of metaphor. The Yellow River and Tai-hang Mountains are parts of nature, which he lives and breathes spiritually as a Taoist. But these things of nature are metaphor to his body and soul. He uses the phrases "chokes the ferry" and "blind with snow" as relations to his neck and eyes. Physically he feels as though he's blind to the world he now lives and is being choked by his unfulfilled desires. This blinds and chokes his soul, allowing his soul discontent. His inability to cross the mountains and climb the mountains is him saying he wants to get back to nature, to journeying, and being one with the world again, but he can't. Then he explains he'd rather be one who is relaxing in nature than in riches, until he has a sudden dream. He dreams "of riding a boat, sailing for the sun..." This is the wish of journeying to the impossible, seeing where nature will take him in the sea. Another big theme is his needing of solitude amongst nature, which is exactly his desire in this line−to forever reach the light of the sun, the impossibility of nature, but something where he'll be one with nature for as long as he pleases. He states that journeying is tasking, is difficult, and "there are many turnings" This means there are many directions life will take you−where his journeys will take him− but he ponders where he will start, and when he starts, where that will take him. Then in the last two lines of the poem, he says with some spark of confidence, that he will set sail someday, through peace or storm, and pursue on no matter what, across the sea. His "cloudy sail" refers to his clouded mind and his sickening heart, and that he will set it straight to journey again, do what he loves, and be one with nature again. His last words "and bridge the deep, deep sea" is saying that he will strive one through this journey and entrance back into his life without ever stopping again. This whole poem can be interpreted as literal, where he actually was, what he actually did and thought, and what he actually thought for his future. But Li Bai's use of words and phrasing tells the reader that the whole poem is indeed metaphor to his suffering body and soul, and the journey he will take to be reborn and be one with nature once again.

Works Cited

The Editors of Encyclopædia Britannica. "Li Bai (Chinese Poet)." Encyclopedia Britannica Online. Encyclopedia Britannica, 24 Sept. 2013. Web. 13 May 2014.

Evodip. "Li Bai Poem Analysis." StudyMode. StudyMode.com, July 2012. Web. 13 May 2014.

Gracie, Carrie. "Superstar Poets: Li Bai and Du Fu." BBC News. BBC, 10 Oct. 2012. Web. 14 May 2014.

Pei, Ming L. "Li Bai Poetry." Poetry Reading - China the Beautiful. China the Beautiful, 2009. Web. 13 May 2014.

Sisibreakeveryrule Blo. "The Hard Road by Li Bai." Sisibreakeveryrule Blog. Sisibreakeveryrule Blog RSS, 09 Feb. 2011. Web. 13 May 2014.

Totallyhistory.com. "Li Bai - Life & Biography of a Chinese Poet." Totally History Li Bai. Totally History, 2012. Web. 13 May 2014.

Watkins, Abichal, and Tejvan Pettinger. "Li Po." Poet Seers ». PoetSeers.org, n.d. Web. 13 May 2014.

Wikimedia. "Li Bai." Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation, 07 May 2014. Web. 13 May 2014. 

The Perfection of Om

            Life is the greatest gift in the world, and once or if the gift is revealing itself, death is its bliss. For life without death is not one worth experiencing, but rather one to mock and fear. Death is a part of life, and without life there is no death. The idea of equilibrium−the balancing of life, the Self, one's journey− is the only way one can experience life and reach enlightenment through learning of the Self and gaining the knowledge of humanity, mind and body, and the world. In Siddhartha, the novel by Hermann Hesse, he tells of the story of Siddhartha, and his journey to the Self and enlightenment. Throughout his whole life, he takes risks, does what he feels is right, learns of the unknown, and tries to discover the world and the true meaning of life. He sees during many different points in his life, that there are balancing elements from his life. Whether it be following pleasure or religion, ego or the heart, teachers or individualism, living in Sansara or reaching Nirvana, there is light and dark in the world, true opposites, and all to experience in an eternal life. What Siddhartha finds is what he knows all his life, but doesn't find it and fully comprehend it until the darkest, most hopeless time in his life. What he finds that stops him from committing suicide and giving up, is Om. The eternal perfection, the perfection of life, the world, and unity between the world and the Self, or Oneness. Siddhartha tries to find something that he does not know his whole life for himself, and in the end he finds Om, Oneness, and thus reveals his lifelong goal of enlightenment. Siddhartha doesn't realize Om until the last chapter of his life as a ferryman, but from this he doesn't find Oneness until the end of his life. Being a child Brahmin, Samana, rich businessman, and ferryman, he experiences all parts of life, in which he finds harmony and enlightenment, but he does not only experience these lives from different reborn versions of himself, but also from what he learns and does during these chapters in his life. Siddhartha does not see, hear, nor feel Om by mere chance − he finds the perfection of life because of the knowledge he obtains, the lessons he learns, and the life he experiences himself throughout the many rebirths of his eternal life.

            Siddhartha grows up in a family of Brahmins, and he is bound to be a Brahmin from his youth and into adulthood. But still in youth, after knowing he learns all he can from practicing religion, knowing of Atman, and Om, he has the Internal Call. Until this point, he starts feeling discontent of his life, knowing there is so much more out there for him to discover. "...all wise Brahmins, had already given him the richest and best part of their wisdom, had already poured their plenty into his waiting vessel, yet the vessel was not full: His mind was not content, his soul not at peace, his heart restless" (Hesse 5). Everything the Brahmins teach him is enough for another ordinary Brahmin, but Siddhartha knows there is much more to experience than just what he learns in order to reach enlightenment. The journey is unknown to him, but from this restlessness of his heart, he hears the Internal Call, the very start of Joseph Campbell's Myth Cycle; the hero's journey. This persuades himself to take leave onto something new, a new perspective and way of living. When he tells his father he wants to leave to become a Samana, his father refuses the idea, but Siddhartha knows only what he wants, so he protests by waiting to leave in silence. Finally his father sees his son is ready to leave home, to start his own journey into manhood, and so he lets him go. Once Siddhartha and Govinda learn the way of the Samana, and how to lose oneself in the world, in other beings, and eradicate their ego, they still only find distress and suffering. At first for Siddhartha, he finds himself lost in the lives of other animals, plants, and the elements of the world through this meditation of the Samana, yet, he only finds disquiet of his soul in the end. He 'lives' the whole life of a heron and more, the beauty of the life cycle of all living things, but once death  arrives, he wakes in and with his own Self once again, in physical agony and no passion for his Self. "We find consolations, we find numbness, we learn skills with which to deceive ourselves. But the essential, the Path of Paths, this we do not find" (Hesse 17). The Path, or the journey that lies ahead, is not to be found through losing oneself, through trickery of the mind and spirit. Siddhartha learns this lesson himself, through experiencing something seemingly wonderful, and always waking from that blissful dream, coming back to reality, in which he only finds pain. Siddhartha and Govinda both hear of the Buddha, and want to leave the painful ways of a Samana, to travel and hear the doctrine of the Buddha in person. Both unknowingly have different aspirations from one another once they meet the Buddha. Govinda becomes Gautama's disciple, but Siddhartha does not. When both leave to become a Samana, they want to get rid of ego and find another perspective of life. The difference is that Govinda wants to unfold his life through learning of the life of great ones, such as the one and only Buddha, and find some enlightenment this way. Siddhartha leaves because he wants not to be a student or follower anymore, but his own student. He leaves being a Samana to be rid of pain and emptiness, not to become a student once again. "'There is in fact−and this I believe−no such thing as what we call 'learning'. There is, my friend, only knowing, and this is everywhere; it is Atman, it is in me and in you and in every creature'" (Hesse 17). There is indeed a big difference between wisdom and teaching, and to reach, find, and know wisdom is something so much more than learning. Discovering the world and the Self through one's own life is the only way to true enlightenment. The experience of following his Calling and becoming a Samana reveals his courage and thirst for living a different life to experience something more. Leaving to find reason from the Buddha, and hear his own reasoning exposes a new life, uncharted but waiting. He is reborn yet again and will let his Path take him wherever he needs to go. From a child Brahmin, to a Samana, to freedom, he creates a basis for finding enlightenment. Knowledge is something one can learn through a teacher, such as Gautama, but using this knowledge and revealing wisdom and the world for oneself is the only way to find Om, to reach enlightenment; become a Buddha.

            Set off for a new life, Siddhartha is happier than ever, exciting to see what he'll become next. No rules, no teacher, he is reaching for his goal, a goal in which he does not know, by himself and in his own direction. Crossing the river in which he becomes a ferryman of later, he meets the ferryman, Vasudeva, who he stays with for shelter, but does not know. Crossing the river, Siddhartha encounters a woman, whom he almost makes love to, but stops himself from such pleasure, wanting to still keep his spiritual ways intact and not give to pleasure. On the other side, in the forests, he meets a courtesan named Kamala. He falls in love with her, but does not understand love or pleasure, and wants her to be his teacher. From before, he wants nothing of a teacher, but from something so foreign to him as physicality, he wants to learn everything he can. She falls in love with him too, once she introduces him to the city of child people, or worldly, normal people, and he buys clothes, is proper, and gets a job. But the one thing she tells of him, is how to obtain love. "Love can be begged, bought, or received as a gift, one can find it in the street, but one cannot steal it" (Hesse 49). Since Siddhartha already has the feeling of what he believes is love, she explains how he can give it and more importantly receive it, as long as he gets love back. To have, give, and receive love is important to not only loving other human beings−one's soul mate or lover−but of all people and the Oneness of the world. This is the greatest thing Siddhartha can receive and reveal to himself during his life among the child people. Of course, his ego takes force, and the lifestyle of which he chooses to live takes over his body and soul. Kamala's boss, Kamaswami, hires Siddhartha in which he becomes a businessman−a successful tradesman. His tactics are not what one might think are profitable, but learning to love the child people of who he trades with in the long run makes him the most successful, having all the acquaintances. Under the wing of Kamala and Kamaswami, he becomes excessively wealthy, filthily rich, and lets his ego change him. He becomes a gambler, gambling away thousands of dollars to at some point get the pleasurable feeling of winning more money. He also becomes a drinker and a cheater, drinking his body and soul away, and cheating his love for Kamala with dancing women, becoming older faster than he ever has before. "Whenever he awoke from this hateful spell, whenever he saw his face grown older and uglier in the mirror on his bedroom wall, whenever he was assailed by shame and nausea, he fled further, seeking to escape in more gambling, seeking to numb himself with sensuality and wine, and then hurled himself back into the grind of hoarding and acquisition" (Hesse 68). The excessive pleasure of money, luxury, sensuality, and alcohol is slowly killing his love, his desire for life, his body and mind, and his Self. It is to this exhaustion of pleasure that he literally is nauseous to the stomach and soul, and is slowly aging and dying from it all. The element that pushes his conscious to the limit is his dream of the songbird. "...the little bird lay dead and still on the bottom. He took it out, weighed it for a moment in his hand, and then tossed it aside, into the street, and at the same moment he was seized with fear and horror and his heart hurt, as if with this dead bird he had thrust aside everything that had worth and value" (Hesse 70).The songbird, of course, is nothing but Siddhartha. His life, the things of value, meaning, and purpose to him and his Self all are things the bird represents, who is dead. Instead of reviving it, he throws it out like trash, never to live life again, only suffer death forever. It shows how his life of Sansara that he's living will end in a never ending death−a death of a life with no enlightenment; only no fulfillment. At this point, as much as he loves Kamala, he can no longer withstand the suffering of the mass excess and pleasure in his life, and so he leaves to go back to a more spiritual life, still following his Path. He learns of being one of the child people, of wealth, of physical pleasure, and most importantly: love. He also learns of suffering from excess in these things, and what it worth loving and living for. Siddhartha experiences this completely different side of life, and the simple things of child people and love, but has yet to learn more from life itself and truly understand Om. He is still going to find a new life for himself and by himself, not to follow any teaching or to learn−only discover and reveal wisdom for himself.

            When he leaves the city, he treks back to the river, the one he crosses from many years back. Still in deep despair, he looks in the water's reflection to see a waste of a life, fearful and near death. He wishes upon death, thinking death and the end has to be better than what he's seeing. Si, Siddhartha tries to commit suicide, by drowning himself in the river. Starting to sink, time seems to pause, and he has a moment of light. "Then, from distant reaches of his soul, from bygone realms of his weary life, a sound fluttered. It was a word, a syllable that he now spoke aloud, mindlessly, his voice a babble, the first and final word of every Brahmin prayer, the holy Om that meant the perfect or perfection. And the moment the sound Om touched Siddhartha's ear, his slumbering spirit suddenly awoke and recognized the foolishness of his actions" (Hesse 75). From the word Om, Siddhartha sees his whole life and realizes what he's giving up: the gift of life! He emerges from the water, reborn, and a happier man all together. He reveals the greatness of life to himself from the sound of Om, revealing hope and happiness to his life again. At this moment he finds an old bliss, the connection with life, in which the sorrow and sadness within him dies, along with that part of his life. He becomes a new man, still in pursuit of reaching the end of his Path, and to find what he's been trying to find his whole life. After the event, he sits under a tree−the symbol of spirit above his head−next to the river, finding soul and peace again. He falls in a deep sleep, and when he wakes, he is full of bliss again only to see his old friend, Govinda. After conversing with him, makings their ways once again, Siddhartha crosses the river again, to meet with the same ferryman from years back. He lives with him and stays, for Siddhartha wants to live the way Vasudeva lives and gain respect for life and its beauty more than ever. Vasudeva tells Siddhartha of many things, and listens to Siddhartha's life stories and views on life. Vasudeva tells the ways of a ferryman to Siddhartha, in which he becomes one. He does not teach Siddhartha anything, but merely tells him things to listen for and become one with things to find his own wisdom, revealing what he already knows. The biggest element of finding enlightenment for Siddhartha is the river, the life of the world that gives him life again, and allows him to hear Om. This is what he listens to, to answer all of his own wonderments, revealing his Self and wisdom. He 'learns' to be a ferryman by listening, trusting, and knowing the river, in which it reflects this back for him to listen, trust, and know himself. Over the years, the day comes when the Buddha is near enlightenment, so masses all around come to cross the river to travel and see the Buddha pass. Two travelers happen to be Siddhartha's love, Kamala, and his son in which he does not know, also whose name is Siddhartha. He witnesses Kamala being bit by a deathly snake, and rushes her and his son to Vasudeva's hut. Here, he speaks with Kamala for the last time of their love, and she 'gives' their son to Siddhartha before her death. Siddhartha is happy to have his own son in his grasp, but his son hates him, and gives him no love back. Siddhartha tries and tries, until his son eventually runs away, exactly like Siddhartha did to his father, except without warning. Siddhartha feels emptiness again, without his son and return of his love for him, and feels sorrow and a wound in his heart. Siddhartha goes back to the city where his son flees to retrieve him back, but realizes he must let his son find his own Path like his father did him. "This he had learned beside the river, this one thing: to wait, to be patient, to listen. And he sat there listening in the dust of the road, listening to his heart beating wearily and sadly, waiting for a voice... when he felt his wound stinging, he soundlessly pronounced the word Om, filled himself with Om" (Hesse 106). His heart has experience with happiness, from having his son and coming back from his abyss as a ferryman, but it has no experience with sorrow. Losing his son and letting him go is the sorrow he needs to overcome, in which he does. Again, the word and sound of Om, reminds him of this, rebuilds his poise and regains his spirit and happiness. He sure knows of Om, back from his days as a Brahmin, and he sure knows its meaning. What Siddhartha has yet to find is the Om in all of life, not just as a spiritual concept or in the Self. He returns from the city to the hut of the ferryman, for Vasudeva to tell him to listen to the river once more and find what he's looking for. "...Siddhartha listened attentively to this river, to this thousand-voiced song, when he listened neither for the sorrow nor for the laughter, when he did not attach his soul to any one voice and enter into it with his ego but rather heard all of them, heard the whole, the oneness−then the great song of the thousand voices consisted only of a single word: Om, perfection... his Self had flowed into the Oneness" (Hesse 114). Siddhartha revealing this meaning and truly seeing all of his experiences put together for the first time is simply beautiful to him, and he finds Oneness and true Om. He becomes one with the world, one with life, seeing the world in a perfect, enlightening view. The greatest skill of listening, benefits Siddhartha the most, from gaining wisdom from the river and listening to the world; enough wisdom to reach enlightenment. By Om, he sees the perfection of life is made of the balance of all things, light and darkness, birth and death, and life without balance would be empty− nothingness. Being one with the world, the Oneness, is the moment when one reaches enlightenment, being one with body and mind, Self, and the world.

            The word Om is the meaning of perfection, the sound of Om is the journey to perfection. This perfection is the definition of life, the balance of all things, the beauty of everything in existence. Harmony: the equilibrium of life, in space, in nature, in the Self, and of the Earth. To obtain connection with the world, one must understand Om and find Oneness. To be one with the world is to be one with the Self, and life's existence. Reaching Nirvana and enlightenment derives from experience and wisdom, and Oneness. Siddhartha goes through so much in his life, every chapter of his life a new, he is reborn. For every rebirth, he is to gain knowledge and reveal wisdom throughout, all different lessons than his previous lives in his eternal life. He is born into a Brahmin family, eventually to become a Brahmin. He learns of religion, Atman, and Om but does not fully understand Om, only knows its meaning. He leaves to become a Samana, void of reality, but embracing life and the world. He travels to the Buddha to reveal his own Path for himself to embark upon, to truly reveal Om. He becomes a child person, with riches and excess, and a businessman. He also becomes a lover and learns of love and what it truly is to love. He almost reaches death, until Om brings him back, and makes him love life again, wanting to completely understand it. He becomes a ferryman in which he loses his love and son, but learns to listen to the river. Finally he listens for Om, and with all his experiences and wisdom, he finds Oneness, completely understanding Om and what it truly means, reaching enlightenment. Siddhartha's journey, his Path to find Om and Oneness, to find balance all through his own wisdom, is one to inspire, to be told to humanity, for humanity− to understand life and the perfection of the world. 

The Hard Road

The Hard Road - 1 of 3

Pure wine costs, for the golden cup,

Ten thousand coppers a flagon,

And a jade plate of dainty food calls for million coins.

I fling aside my chop-sticks and cup, I cannot eat nor drink...

I pull out my dagger, I peer four ways in vain.

I would cross the Yellow River, but ice chokes the ferry;

I would climb the Tai-hang Mountains,

But the sky is blind with snow...

I would sit and poise a fishing-pole, lazy by a brook −

But I suddenly dream of riding a boat, sailing for the sun...

Journeying is hard,

Journeying is hard.

There are many turnings −

Which am I to follow?...

I will mount a long wind some day and break the heavy waves

And set my cloudy sail straight and bridge the deep, deep sea.

~Li Bai

Journey to Find Om

            Siddhartha from the earlier chapters has gone from being a student and a Brahmin, to becoming a Samana. Already as a reader, I saw a new side of Siddhartha, a rebirth of his eternal life. Being a Samana completely altered his life physically and mentally, but he realized he only found a part of what he's looking for, which to him was still an unknown waiting to be revealed to him. Then, after he meets and speaks with the Sublime One, he goes out on his own once again reborn, to find more the world and life has to offer, but in a different realm. Then he meets Kamala, in which she and her boss Kamaswami, take him in to become one of the child people like them. From this he becomes a part of a rich society, and he himself becomes excessively rich with luxury, money, and clothing, and becomes a businessman as well. He then becomes sick of his life, and knows he's wasting it away with how he's living, so he again is reborn and goes off to search for something more to experience. After years of living the life of wealth and excess, he gets to a point where he is slowly dying in every way. "This game was called Sansara, a game for children, a game to be played sweetly perhaps, once, twice, ten times−but again and again?" (Hesse 71). He has found Sansara, and has been living it for too long. I think it was good for Siddhartha to experience a completely different kind of life, and experience the things most people experience in ordinary lives such as pleasure, love, a job, and the things of the selfish such as excess money, indulgence, and everything he misused during this time. He was selfish, and let his ego eat away his soul and mind, but sometimes you have to learn for yourself the hard way because of mistakes, such as his over indulgence. At the beginning when he meets Kamala and Kamaswami, he is also selfish, but this allows him to experience the whole other side of life that was foreign to him as a Samana, and the simple pleasures of life. He learns his lesson, and also makes the right decision to leave and go back to a life he's used to, but still to find the rest of what he's trying to find in life.

            When Siddhartha is reborn once again, leaving the sickening excess he once pursued, he is taken across the river from the ferryman he once met when he was going to the city. The ferryman and him live with each other for a long time, as Siddhartha needed a place to stay and search for the thing he needs to experience. Vasudeva, the ferryman, is full of knowledge, and tells Siddhartha of many insights and things Siddhartha already knew but had not revealed to himself. Siddhartha becomes one of listening, and the thing Vasudeva tells him to do to find what he's looking for is to listen to the river. The river, the symbol of flowing life, multiple lives, and every part of the life of every being, is in a way "all-knowing". Siddhartha listens to the river, and does learn from it, but realizes that 'learning' from the river if really just realization of Self and Oneness with the world in its entirety. This takes many years of listening and experiences of being a ferryman to reach this state of knowing and being. Also, when Kamala comes with a boy through the masses to see the Sublime One die and reach enlightenment, she crosses the river, but is bitten by a poisonous snake beforehand, in which she dies. Before passing, she tells Siddhartha of their son, and the son stays with him, now without a mother. Siddhartha wasn't there for him when he was young, and so he doesn't trust Siddhartha, and eventually can't bear living with him, and runs off to the city, where he grew up; the life he knows and loves. Siddhartha is heart-broken by his son not loving him back, but he realizes that this is what he did to his father, and has to let his son live his own life and experience life himself. Finally, through his whole life of being a Brahmin, a Samana, a rich businessman and lover, to a ferryman who listens to the river, who finally reaches enlightenment. This is so, because from being reborn into these different lives within his eternal life as Siddhartha, he experiences, learns, reaches, and realizes everything he needs to, in which he finds enlightenment and Oneness, and finds out this is what he's been looking for all along. "...when he did not attach his soul to any one voice and enter into it with his ego but rather heard all of them, heard the whole, the oneness−then the great song of the thousand voices consisted only of a single word: Om, perfection" (Hesse 114). Siddhartha finds the meaning of his life and life itself, finding the perfection of the world. Connecting with the world, the Oneness, is his enlightenment, and I think it quite beautiful. The idea of Oneness is something to understand and feel with the world, and I think Siddhartha finds this out from the perfect source; the river. The river is like the bloodstream of the world, keeping water moving, and reflecting life before it. I believe Vasudeva was the most important figure to Siddhartha to put everything all together from his experiences and help Siddhartha find his enlightenment. Buddha was Siddhartha's role model, Govinda his soul mate friend, Kamala his lover, but Vasudeva was his mentor, and in the end finding what you're looking for, the mentor is the most helpful person looking back. Not only that, Vasudeva was much like Siddhartha and a genuine person to stick by Siddhartha's side and not teach, but help Siddhartha through his process and let him experience what he needs to. It's sad in the end how Siddhartha dies in front of Govinda, but it's more so a happy ending, because he reaches full enlightenment during his life and presumably will after death, while Govinda reaches a certain enlightenment from the event as well. Siddhartha is a story of morals and lessons, and I thought was a fantastic portraying of Siddhartha's story, and the meaning of life and the world.

From Samana to Siddhartha

            Siddhartha, a Brahmin who believes the only way to find Enlightenment is to find it for oneself through their own experiences, not through learning from doctrines, even from the Buddha himself. Siddhartha is the story of he himself, and his journey of finding the Self and the true meaning of life. In the beginning, he feels he has learned everything he can from teachers of Atman, meditation, etc, and wants to see what else there is to learn in the world by becoming one like a teacher; a Samana. Once he dedicates his decision towards doing so, he confronts his father to leave and become a Samana, and from his way of protest, his father lets him go to live the life he wants. Before embarking on his journey to become a Samana, he questions his teachers in how they've not experienced what they teach, so how could he keep learning of these experiences from Brahmin who have not been enlightened themselves? "...not a single one had succeeded in reaching it, this heavenly world; not one had fully quenched that eternal thirst" (Hesse 7). It is interesting how Siddhartha looks at what he would keep learning and what he can learn if he goes to enlighten himself. Leaving his family to strive for something more is the moment of his Internal Calling, to become the hero and live as he feels is right. When he lives among the forest of the Samanas, he wears little clothing, fasts greatly, and meditates for hours to become one with the world and life around him. As this is a tormenting, yet amazing, experience to him at first, it became tedious and not worthwhile. "Even if Siddhartha fled the Self a thousand times, lingering in nothingness, in the animal, in stone, his return was unavoidable, the hour inescapable when he found himself once more, in sunlight or moonlight, in shade or rain, and once more he was Self, was Siddhartha, and once more he felt the torments of the cycle imposed on him" (Hesse 14). The first time he loses himself with the Self, he becomes one of many animals, such as a heron, and goes through their whole life cycle, in the end waking out of his meditation and finding his Self again, in the agony of his physical state. This is worth it to him until it becomes too familiar, too predictable and a waste of his life. He learns of the cycle of life in segmented hours, but he gains nothing back of the true meaning of life and of the Self; no knowledge, awareness, enlightenment, nothing. His soul mate friend, Govinda, and him travel to the Sublime One, the Buddha, in search of meaning from his holy doctrine. When they hear Buddha's words, Govinda becomes a disciple to him, while Siddhartha has a few things to say to Buddha instead. He is honored to listen to the doctrine, but he realizes that Buddha is only like everyone else, specifically his past teachers. They teach through doctrine for one to possibly find their own enlightenment, but Siddhartha realizes that one must experience it for themselves to truly reach Nirvana like the Sublime One. Buddha found meaning, Self, Atman, and everything for himself, but what he experienced is strictly for his enlightenment, how could his teachings of his experiences help anyone else? Only some tips and guidance are beneficial from his doctrine, but Siddhartha realizes one cannot base their life off someone's experiences, but experience life for themselves to reach their Nirvana. From this, Siddhartha leaves to find the meaning of life and Self for himself, while Govinda stays behind to follow the Buddha.

How Siddhartha sees life as Samana

            Siddhartha sees everything in the world differently now, trying to understand it all in a new perspective. Every object and living thing has meaning to him, and beauty. What he desired previously was doctrine, teaching, and a set way to find Atman and all for himself. Now he is finding meaning for himself by his rules, and it is beautiful to him. "I'll be my own teacher, my own pupil. I'll study myself, learn the secret that is Siddhartha" (Hesse 35). He is embracing life in a different way, a healthier way physically, mentally, and spiritually for him. After staying at a ferryman's house, he travels through the forests to find a new life style, and meeting a woman at the river, he starts to engage through lust with her. Before anything happens, his inner voice tells him to not do something for the pleasure, and to move on; he does. He overcomes lust, wanting to still reach Nirvana and experience life without pleasures such as sex. Then he meets a wealthy, beautiful woman named Kamala, who he talk with for information on how to be successful and live within the city she lives in. She tells him to get new clothes, money, and a job in which he can use his skills. "'I can think. I can wait. I can fast'" (Hesse 50). From his Samana life, all he'd learned to do is think, wait, and fast, and this is all he tells her. This shows how little he possesses in personal skills, and his new love for just experiencing life around him and nothing more. He 'learns' so much from Kamala of the ways of her lifestyle, and thinks she is a teacher to him. He is unaware that he is being hooked to being taught, the thing he wants to stay away from in his new life. Kamala gives him kissing lessons, yet mocks him, leading him on and pushing him away over and over again, but Siddhartha sticks with her for is in love with her. He soon reveals that he can read and write, and this is how he gets to interview with the tradesman Kamaswami. He sometimes is a good business partner, and sometimes not. When he makes mistakes, he doesn't care, nor does he care when he makes profit for Kamaswami. All he cares about is living a good and rather easy life, and experiencing joy, connection and people during his trades, along with nature. If he devastates the business, all he cares about is the experience he has, and how it can benefit him for getting closer to finding meaning, Self, and Nirvana. Thus far in chapters 1-6 in Siddhartha, Siddhartha is finding his own path in his own way, experiencing everything he can and embracing the life he has and has yet to discover.

Siddhartha's new perspective experiencing life!